The Captain Obvious Study of the Year!!

Have you ever really wondered about where all that increased college tuition money goes; or maybe what that tax-payer funded grant money is used for in the World of Academia? Well let me shed some light on the subject for you.

Billions of dollars are spent each year on studies, surveys and research all in the name of making America and the world a more healthy, friendly and civilized place to live. But are all of these surveys really necessary? Let’s check one out.

This week the results of a 20 year Harvard study were released to the public showing which foods pose a greater risk for causing obesity. Now bear in mind this study took 20 years so please do not laugh at the results.

Overall the results showed that people who ate more potato chips, red meat, sweets, and drank sugary sodas gained more weight over those 20 years than those who ate more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, and drank water…..REALLY?

And when I say REALLY I mean it not because I am surprised by these results, but because I’m not sure we really needed a 20 year study to come up with these results. Think about it, for 20 years someone got paid to conduct this study. AMAZING!!

So, in the quest for a more civilized humanity I am offering my services to the public for free on some other issues I find are simple to understand, but might require a “study” for academics to figure out.

1. People who drink alcohol are more likely to get drunk than those who drink water. I promise you it’s the truth!

2. People who smoke are more prone to throat and lung cancer than those who don’t smoke at all.

3. People who chop broccoli for a living are more prone to lose a finger than those who don’t chop broccoli for a living. I swear, I am not making this up!

4. Beekeepers are more prone to be stung by a bee than those who do not keep bees.

Well, I could go on for a while but I would probably be in line for a lawsuit having exposed the results of some Scholar’s lifelong study. I hope I haven’t, I would hate to think somewhere out there was a hardworking researcher out of a job because I exposed the concept that short people find it harder to see on top of the refrigerator than tall people do (oops, sorry about that).

Anyway, as always I am just trying to bring a little common sense into the world. I Hope this helped y’all.

Now where’d I put my Potato Chips?
Bill