My Driving Difficulties

OK, lets start this out by saying that I drive like an old man. If you don’t believe me ask my wife, my friends, or my children. They seem to have a never ending supply of adjectives to describe my driving style.

With that said, I have some pet peeves that absolutely drive (notice the pun) me crazy. Anyone who has ever taken the opportunity to ride with me has probably heard some of the pleasantries I often share with my fellow drivers, and I have more than once been told how much comedic value there is in riding along with me. I may drive like an old man, but I offer my opinion of other drivers in the same manner an old sailor would - wait a minute, I am an old sailor.

Getting back to my pet peeves, I can name the first three in terms my Grandfather used when he was burning up the roads. Of course he was a judge and NO ONE was going to give him a ticket. Granddaddy used the phrase that you, “lead, follow, or get out of the way.” And he meant it.

Look, it is simple. If someone comes up behind you, make it easy for them to pass. If you come up on someone who is driving slower than you, pass them. I know for many Texans it is hard not to pass without the driver in front of you moving over onto the shoulder, but you really must get over that.

Nothing, and I MEAN NOTHING, gets me more irate than following someone who is following a slower driver and will not pass because the driver in front won’t move over. Good God people, we have some of the best, widest, well-marked roads in the nation and these goobers won’t pass without two miles of visible, clear road ahead. This is when I need that James Bond laser feature on my car. Take them out with one shot, I would.

Then there’s the Boneheads who drive around a parking lot for 20 minutes looking for a parking spot near the door. I don’t care if they drive around and waste their gas, but they’re always in my way. Oh My God! These are the same people who drive around the gym parking looking for the closest space possible. COME ON - you’re there to workout, consider it a warm-up!

And if you think about it, once they find that elusive parking spot near the door and climb their lazy rears out of their 1986 Ford Escorts, you get a look at them and realize that they probably should have parked across the street and walked on over for the exercise value alone. Just park your car at the first spot you come to, get out and walk in. What are you really saving by driving around for 20 minutes when you would probably benefit more from the extra 90 seconds of walking anyway.

Then there are the idiots who follow you while you walk back to your car; waiting on you to leave so they can get your spot. Next time this happens, walk to your car, get in, let them sit for a few seconds, then get out of your car and go back towards the store. It really gets ‘em hoppin. Then, to top it off, once the bird-dogger drives away, turn back around, go to your car, and let the next person have the spot. I love that one.

Now we come to those who take Grandma’s car to the store to use the handicapped sticker. I can’t even think of anything else to say but SHAME ON YOU. And get Grandma’s car back…the liquor store closes at 9:00.

Lastly, I leave you with this little jewel. Keep an old Hank Williams’ CD in your Truck (in Central Texas “Truck” is the generic term we use for any vehicle). Keep this CD for that special occasion when you hear some chucklehead with their stereo set to a volume level that can be monitored by the International Space Station. Take Hank out, roll your windows down, put Hank in the CD player and share Hank. They may not like Hank, but when you do this, the other people around you will almost always give you a thumbs up (don’t you Aggies get all giddy out there).

Well, hope this has been enlightening and even somewhat helpful.

Later Gator,
Bill